It's no secret that many Americans in relationships frequently encounter difficulties with jobs, incomes, and other financial challenges.
Personal finance bestselling author and radio host Dave Ramsey recently received a question about a specific example of a married couple encountering such a scenario and offered his advice.
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“My husband and I recently began trying to get out of debt and live on a budget,” wrote a woman identifying herself as Emily in an email sent to TheStreet from Ramsey Solutions. “But he’s having a hard time getting adjusted to keeping track of things. He loves to eat out during the week. I don’t mind this once in a while, but it has gotten to the point where it’s disrupting our budget and our finances.”
She explained that she and her husband were finding it tough to keep their heads above water financially.
“I think a lot of this behavior may be stress-related,” Emily wrote. “He recently was forced to take a pay cut at his company, and I’ve been working part-time since then to help us get by. I know he’s hurting and angry about things at his job, but how do I approach him about this?”
Ramsey first replied with a statement of understanding and compassion.
“It’s a tough situation, isn’t it?” Ramsey wrote. “I’m no psychologist, but I do know people can do all kinds of things when they’re stressed out because of money problems or difficult situations they can’t control. I’m sure taking a salary cut was a blow to his self-esteem.”
Ramsey then discussed the difficulty of losing a job, regaining control of money and financial responsibilities of marriage.
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Dave Ramsey examines job loss, personal finances, marriage
Ramsey explained how a reduction in income can damage a person's sense of self.
“A lot of times guys, in particular, can come to associate their sense of self-worth with their jobs or how much money they make,” he wrote. “That’s not a healthy thing. But when behaviors begin having negative impacts on your family or finances, it’s time for a wake-up call.”
“Your husband is probably a great guy,” Ramsey added. “And everyone deserves a little bit of grace when they’re going through a tough time. But honestly, I think you’ve maybe been a little too nice in your reactions to the situation.”
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Ramsey suggested that if a couple is serious about getting their finances under control, treating dining out as a routine activity is counterproductive. He emphasized that no one should feel obligated to get a job just to sustain a spouse’s frequent restaurant habits.
Instead, Ramsey suggested the only justifiable reason to be in a restaurant during tough financial times is to work there and bring in extra income — not to spend what they don’t have.
He also cautioned against enabling irresponsible spending in a relationship, comparing it to the dynamic of an indulgent parent with a child — something he views as damaging to a healthy marriage.
Dave Ramsey has strong words on marriage, financial responsibility
Ramsey offered some key opinions on financial obligations in a marriage.
“A married man has several responsibilities in life. And one of the most important ones is taking care of his family,” he wrote. “Your husband is down right now. He’s feeling bad about himself as a man and a provider. But that doesn’t mean he gets to have a pity party for months on end. Especially when the cost of that party is putting you both in financial jeopardy.”
“Sit down with this guy, and have a caring, loving conversation about what you’re seeing and what’s going on,” he continued. “Let him know, first and foremost, that you love him and you’re worried about him. Let him know you want to help. But you’ve also got to show him the numbers. Let him see, in black and white, the results of his actions.”
Ramsey finished with some encouraging words.
“You two can work through this, Emily,” he wrote. “Just hold his hand and be there for him. Hug on him a lot, and let him know you’re proud of him. And let him know that together, you guys will get through this and make things better.”
Related: Dave Ramsey warns Americans on Social Security
